The Revolution is Not a Dinner Party

It's Just Lunch....or IS IT??

Saturday, February 25, 2006

Neil's Still got It.....

I just finished Greendale. Its not the greatest rock opera ever, but Young has more talent in his little pinky than most other "topical" singers out there today. The guitar solos are pretty awesome, as is the music generally. As much as the actors-mouthing-neil's-words device can be a bit disconcerting, it does make for some poignant moments.

You can get the full lyrics here.

Here's a little sample:


TV crews and cameras
they wanted to interview Grandpa on the porch
they came through the gate and up on the lawn
knockin' down Edith's tiki torch
Grandpa saw them there
looking through the venetian blind

"those people don't have any respect
so they won't get any of mine
I ain't gonna talk about Jed...
I don't watch channel 2 or 6 or 9
I don't have time to talk that fast
and it ain't my crime
It ain't an honour to be on tv
and it ain't a duty either
the only good thing about tv
is shows like 'leave it to beaver'
Shows with love and affection
like mama used to say
a little mayberry livin'
can go a long way"


Grandpa's provincial perspective is contrasted with granddaughter Sun's innate radical rage at the destruction and death around her:


we got to get there
we got to be there
before the big machines
we got a job to do
we got to
save Mother Earth

Dream the hunter on the western plain
"the birds are all gone, where did they go?"
dream the fisherman in his boat
"he's comin' home empty, he's barely afloat"
dream the logger in the great northwest
"they're runnin' out of trees, they got to give it a rest"
(there's no other way to cut it)
dream the farmer in the old heartland
"corporate greed and chemicals are killin' the land"


We are a long way from Mayberry.

Even closer, digital photos are fun.

Here's a closer look. The car on the bottom is definitely in trouble.

There was a little mishap at the parking lot on Great Jones and Lafayette tonight. When I first passed by there was another car on top of the white one. I guess they got that one out. I think this is the second time I've seen one of these car lifters fall apart.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Piss Diving, so hot right now

This is like the grossest thing I've seen in a while....well, not really, the Japanese video that shall never be mentioned again is always tops (shudder).

I just got a new camera. Here's the first shot. The camera is a fab Panasonic DMC-LX1...the ultra cool 16:9 aspect ratio option is screwing with my blog layout. I kind of anticipated this problem. Anyway, I had a hard time choosing between the Cannon S80 and the Lx1...ultimately I was sold on the Panasonic's leica lens and image stabilization feature. Also, this 16:9 size format jives with my preference for landscape shots. Professional reviews, like the one linked to above, complain about the level of "noise" on the lx1. This only seems to be a problem when blowing up images, and I'm ok using some computer software to fix those images I plan on making wall size. Anyway, this is a TINY camera with full manual controls and a lot of megapixels. Its going to be hard adjusting away from 35mm, but I've decided to join the 21st century. Actually, its not going to be hard at all, instant gratification is easy.

The above picture makes me wonder who exactly Penelope is...I'm hoping its a squarer-than-she-used-to-be bachelorette having a crazy night rather than a homeless woman marking her clothes depository. This give me a chance to introduce a new heuristic device...Sanjana's Razor...its like Ockham's Razor BUT instead of the simpler choice being correct using Sanjana's Razor the most cynical answer is always correct. Ergo, Penelope is an aging homeless drag queen sent out to pasture from Lucky Chang's and eating food out of dumpsters.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

I guess other Steelers fans enjoy doctoring photos as much as I do. This is oddly prescient considering my comments here on Damon's blog. I really want to stop writing about the Steelers, but its so damn good to be a WOLRD CHAMPION. I love Seattle, and I'm sorry to keep rubbing salt in deep wounds...but I can't stop.

I'm trying to figure out if Cheney's hunting w/o a proper license is a serious enough crime in Texas to bump him up to a felony murder charge if, g-d forbid, the poor victim dies. Anyone with a good working knowledge of Texas fishing and game laws, please help me out.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

I checked the old stat counter....800 people came to this site on Sunday looking to find out if Ben Roethlisberger is Jewish. Such overwhelming demand deserves answers, so we've done some research and an anonymous tipster sent us this photograph of Ben at his Bar Mitzvah. I guess he really is Jewish.

Police estimate that 250,000 people attended today's Steelers victory parade.

This is my first and last attempt at live blogging. None of the names below will be spelled correctly, so now I can get fun google search hits from other spelling-challenged folks.

11:05 ESPN News is broadcasting the WTAE (Pittsburgh’s ABC affiliate) broadcast of the victory parade…this is so awesome.

11:10 The new mayor (Bob O’Connor??…I think that’s it) is leading the parade. He was only sworn in at the beginning of January. Closely following on his heels is Allegheny County Executive Dan Onoroto. These two guys hate each other. Pittsburgh is one of those cities with huge urban-suburban dilemmas. The city has 400,000 people and is the heart of life in Southwestern PA. However, more than 2 million people live in the area. This means most people live and pay property taxes outside the city limits, but use the city for work and play. The County government was re-organized to better deal with regional issues. But, the city still wants some sort of commuter tax to get a piece of the pie.

11:15 Dan and Art III Rooney are up front too. These guys are the real heros of this franchise. Unlike every other team ownership, the Steelers are the only business that the Rooney’s do. They do it REALLY well. There’s a reason why we always have great coaches and wonderful drafts. While other teams (Cowboys? Giants?) try to make news back home by doing outlandish antics at the Draft, the Steelers pick quality athletes who play the game right. They’ve been doing this for 10 years…and we’re finally WORLD CHAMPIONS. Makes you wonder what happened in the 80’s. The Steelers had some of the greatest drafts in history during the 70s, and I think the string of picks they’ve made over the last 4-5 years will be equally historic.

Anyway, all of these muckity-mucks have been commenting on how many young people are in the audience. I’ll also observe that this is the first time I’ve seen black and white strangers hugging each other in Pittsburgh. What a great thing for the city. There really is a crisis of youth in the Pittsburgh region. People like yours truly have created a massive “brain drain” that rivals the third world experience. Unfortunately, the brain drain is one of necessity because the region cannot provide opportunities for all the talented salt-of-the-earth types (like me) it produces….this reminds me of my favorite Madden moment from Super Bowl XL….he said, “this team [Pittsburgh] plays gritty, like the gritty city of Pittsburgh.” Hahahaha. We are so gritty and tough.

11:20 The WTAE street reporter guy called Anton Randel El, “Willie,” presumably thinking he was Willie Parker. Randel El was PISSED…said something along this lines of, “this interview is over.” The broadcaster back at the studio was like, “tell Anton its cool, we go to the same church and our kids go to the same school.”

11:29 Enter the Mt. Lebanon High School (my alma matter) Marching Band. This is hysterical. We have a really good band, they regularly do the Rose Bowl. However, the previous bands were from city schools and were really enjoying themselves (think Drumline). The Lebo band looks like a bunch of fascist in comparison.

11:30 “I have never seen so many people squashed into one place”…it seems the cars are getting mobbed. The “fans are slowing things down.” The crowds at the beginning of the parade seems to be the most narrow…at points the fans are close enough to touch the car. The parade goes from the Mellon Arena through the relatively small “downtown” skyscraper district to the Point, which is the confluence of the three rivers. Say it with me, confluence.

11:33 Apparently Bettis’ mom made dinner for the team before the game.

11:34 Heinz Ward is, predictably, all smiles.

11:35 Bettis is bringing up the rear with the Lombardi trophy

11:47 Lynn Swan is warming up the crowd at the Point (the confluence of the three rivers). I love saying confluence, it’s a Pittsburgh-only word. Lynn Swan is running for Governor of PA as a Republican. I like Ed Rendell, our current Democrat governor.

11:50 WTAE is giving excessive coverage to the North Allegheny Marching Band. BOOOOO! I take back my previous fascist comment about the Lebo band, these guys take the cake. They are trying to march 10 wide through a really narrow passage.

11:55 Dan Onoroto (County Exec) just called this the biggest Super Bowl celebration of any team ever. He also made some reference to the “whole 10 county region.” I don’t know what that is, but it sounds like Dan has big plans.

12:00 Apparently Mike Logan said, “I’m not going to Disneyworld, I’m going to Kennywood.” That is just awesome. Kennywood is Pittsburgh, old-timey amusement park that is home to several of the most thrilling and historic roller coasters in America. Its really an amazing place, really perfect for families (Ceder Point has cooler coasters, but that’s the last good word you’ll hear about Ohio from this reporter). There is also a sister water-park called Sandcastle, but that’s more of place for yinsers to drink beer and compare their jean shorts.

12:01 The fans are chanting “Cowher, Cowher!”

12:02 This broadcast is devolving into various shout outs for various high school bands.

12:05 Randel El notes, “no one is in school, this is amazing.” It really is great how many people are in the city today. Wow…I have goosebumps…embarrassing.

12:06 Dick Lebeau (defensive coordinator) is making the crowd chant ‘stay here, stay here’ to Kent Wisenhunt (offensive coordinator) who skipped his interview in Oakland for this parade.

12:08 Troy Palamalu is playing with his hair and “kissing the crowd.” Ummmmmmm….Troy, please remember what happened to Kordell…don’t go spending too much time in Schenley Park late at night.

12:15 Sally Wiggin (long time Pittsburgh news celeb) just said, “when you are a big man, you’re going to have a big fur coat.” Odd

12:16 Dan Onorato and Bob O’Connor are sharing the stage before the players arrive. Richard Caliguiri and Sophie Masloff (former Pitt mayors…Masloff was our Anne Richards) never would have stood for such “sharing” shenanigans. Get these losers off the stage. Vote Big Ben for Mayor.

12:19 Cowher is waiting behind the “civic leaders”…he’s got jeans, a hooded sweatshirt, work gloves, and a trucker hat….he looks like he just got back from a hunting trip. He’s a man’s man…yeah.

12:20 Big shout out for Myron Cope from the current broadcasters….awesome.

12:23 Bob O’Connor just accidentally said, “thank you for making me the greatest mayor in the country.” It was a reasonable slip considering he just said Pittsburgh is the greatest city in the world…but still, funny.

12:28 Art Rooney III just gave a blissfully short thank-you to the fans around the world. (My aunt lives in Beijing now, she was at a sports bar with lots of other Steelers fans…apparently the biggest contigent there were miners from West Virginia…its not just Steelers Nation, its Steelers World). Thank YOU, Art.

12:30 Cowher is happy, this is great….he just led the fans in a “I say ‘who day’ you say ‘we day’” chant. Awesome.

12:35 Roethlisberger has flowers and Mardi Gras beads, funny.

12:39 Whoa, the broadcasters just dropped the ‘theory’ that Jeremy Stevens was psyched out by Joey Porter and so afraid of being hit that he dropped those passes. Not cool.

12:43 Randel El is out of his car and fired up, leading the fans in chants. Cowher is like a kid in a candy store.

Man, I already bought my authentic locker room t-shirt…now I’m gonna have to get one of these parade day hooded sweatshirts.

12:46 Gladdis Bettis needs to start doing soup commercials. I’m pulling for Progresso, maker of the finest canned soup on the market…their Chikarenia soup.

12:50 This is exhausting….what exactly is the point of ‘live blogging?’

12:50-1pm Bettis and Ward gave great speeches. Everyone is happy. I’m leaving the rest for DVR. I can't wait for the attendence numbers to come out.

Mike Holmgren is a bad coach. HE was the reason why Seattle lost yesterday. Better clock management and more organized and focused special teams play would have made this Super Bowl a VERY close game. Both these elements of the game fall squarely in the responsibilities of a head coach.

Instead of taking responsibilities for his shortcomings as a coach*, Holmgren has decided to lash out at officials. Yesterday, at the Seattle welcome-back parade, he said, "We knew it was going to be tough going up against the Pittsburgh Steelers. I didn't know we were going to have to play the guys in the striped shirts as well."

I have absolutely no problem with Seattle fans being upset with the officiating. There were several big calls, and all broke towards the Steelers. I think the fracas over the endzone TD run by Roethlisberger is overblown considering that the Steelers would have gotten the score on 4th down. The offensive pass interference was tough, but within the letter of the rules (and INCREDIBLY stupid play by Seattle WR Darrell Jackson...he was open and should have known better). The holding call and the penalty on Hasselbeck's tackle are certainly more questionable. Fans have a right to be upset. However, the simple fact is that Seattle couldn't score when they were in the read zone and they kept giving up 15-20 yards per possession on bad punting. NO team will win the Super Bowl playing that way. Also, the Seahawks had no answer to the "big trick play" which is the Steelers' hallmark...trick plays are easy to stop if you know they are coming and the Seahawks ought to have had a better answer than they did (again a coaching issue). My point is, there were bad calls, but they didn't decide the game. But, I understand why Seahawks fans think it did.

HOWEVER, Mike Holmgren is not a fan, he is a coach. He should be embarrassed by HIS performance and not looking to cover his ass by blaming the refs. Coaches are supposed to be leaders and the right message at this point is, "we have a great team, by far the best team in the NFC, and we're going to be better next year." Instead, he sold the fan's feelings up the river. His whining and bitching exploits the raw emotions of the Seattle fans for his own ends (covering his ass). Moreover, it undermines the league. Like it or not, head coaches have a responsibility to the integrity of the game. Teams are robbed all the time by bad officiating. If every coach behaved the way Holmgren has, the sport would be an ugly mess. The Seahawks organization, if it really cares about the quality of officiating, has a legitimate case to make to the NFL regarding reform (full-time refs, more cameras, microchips in the footballs?). The Seahawks should have pursued this in private, where it could have had an impact. Instead, Holmgren runs his mouth like a sore loser. He should be ashamed of the way he coached the game and ashamed of the way he has behaved since he started mouthing off at the refs during halftime.

*I was just watching ESPN News and they showed stats from Holmgrens two Super Bowls (other was with Green Bay). Both games featured scoreboards that didn't reflect how close the two sides were statistically (the Seahawks "outperformed" Pittsburgh in the stats sense). Why do teams lose when they are running and passing better than the other team? The answer is almost always bad coaching.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

UPDATE: Roethlisberger STILL not Jewish!

We're keeping on top of this story. Apparently the googling regarding possible tribe membership for Big Ben has not stopped. Other blogs are feeling the heat too.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Another Great Steelers Story

The Steelers are blessed to have a roster full of stand-up selfless individuals focused on succeeding as a team. Take, for example, Larry Foote.

ESPN has been running a series of articles about how "boring" this super bowl is for most of America. The argument seems to be that sans the Patriots or at least an ass-clown on the order of Vick or TO, no one really cares about the game. My only reply- FUCK YOU ESPN. There is so much fucking hypocrisy running around Bristol, CT these days. They rag on players who aren't good role models, and then show 10 minute long montages of the best "sack dances" and "endzone celebrations" of the year. They pretend that everyone likes underdogs, but when two underdogs make it to the Super Bowl, they act as if something has "gone wrong." Its just so fucking typical that when the national sports media is presented with two teams full of genuinely good-hearted players who care about team success more than individual glory, the reaction is, "how boring." FUCK YOU ESPN, FUCK YOU.

Nerds Gone Wild...AT SCHOOL!

Have you been experienced?... enter the cuddle puddle.

"Since the school day is winding down, things in the hallway are starting to get rowdy. Jane disappears for a while and comes back carrying a pint-size girl over her shoulder. “Now I take her off and we have gay sex!” she says gleefully, as she parades back and forth in front of the cuddle puddle. “And it’s awesome!” The hijacked girl hangs limply, a smile creeping to her lips. Ilia has stuffed papers up the front of his shirt and prances around on tiptoe, batting his eyes and sticking out his chest. Elle is watching, enthralled, as two boys lock lips across the hall. “Oh, my,” she murmurs. “Homoerotica. There’s nothing more exciting than watching two men make out.” And everyone is talking to another girl in the puddle who just “came out,” meaning she announced that she’s now open to sexual overtures from both boys and girls, which makes her a minor celebrity, for a little while."

Baby Jessica is All Grown Up

For the past three years, my fantasy baseball keeper-league team was named Baby Jessica's Angels. Remember, of course, that in 1987 baby Jessica McClure was trapped in an eight-inch pipe for 2 and a half days. The nation watched with bated breath, and Baby Jessica was eventually rescued.

Well, Jessica is no longer a baby. She's a 19 year old college student, and she got married this month. You can check out what's left on her Wall Mart wedding registry here. I was going to buy her an oven mit, but it turns out she stands to inherit a million dollar trust when she turns 25. The trust was formed from donations sent to her family during the well crisis.

My Super Bowl Nightmare

Today, during a mid-day nap, I had a rather troubling dream. Seattle was leading 16-13 in the 4th quarter and had the Steelers pinned on their own 1 yard line. The Steelers tried a direct snap trick play, which went wrong. Roethlisberger got the ball and ran up the middle, only to fumble the ball for an easy Seattle touchdown. I woke up in a cold sweat with the score 23-13 with 8:14 left in the 4th quarter.

This isn't going to happen, the Steelers are going to win. If watching the actual Super Bowl is anywhere near as stressful as it was during this dream, I am going to have a rough night on Sunday.