The Revolution is Not a Dinner Party

It's Just Lunch....or IS IT??

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Sunrise, Sunset

Well, I'm back in Pittsburgh (Mt. Lebanon more specifically). In what passes for news in this bucolic little town, I'll report that some as-yet-unknown confluence of events has produced the most overwhelming acorn crop in recent memory. I expect the squirrels to die from gout, or some other disease of the overfed. I'm serious about the acorns, there are thousands of them just in our front yard.

As far as I'm concerned, acorns are good for one thing and one thing only--throwing at cars from your tree house. This little hobby got me and some friends in quite a pickle one fine fall day many years back. We hit some road-rage filled commuter and he screeched to a halt and came running in to my back yard with a golf club. We ran inside just in time, and huddled in the corner listening to him yell f-bombs and threaten to call the police. Aside from the occasional potato-gun incident and/or laser-tag battle, this is what passed for excitement when I was growing up.

Continuing down memory lane, I was looking at old photo albums from 1988. Man, did I have bad fashion sense! I don't think I have scanner access, but if I come up with something, I'll post some pictures of what I'm talking about. Think about 80's new wave fashion, dumed down to Ocean Pacific shorts and spiked hair, mixed with a serious case of your-momma-dresses-you-funny. One thing that's cool about living in a quiet little mountain red-neck town is that you stay friends with the kids you grow up with. I have pictures from my 9th birthday party at the ice rink that include 3 or 4 people who's weddings I've been too.

My favorite photo from the album has to be one of me standing in the front yard with all our election lawn signs. We have the Dukakis/Bentsen, some assorted local politicians (my mom had just lost a bid for school board the previous year), and a Doug Walgren for Congress sign. The Walgren one makes me the most upset because after Walgren won in 88, Rick Santorum took his seat in 1990 (Walgren was a 14 year house veteran at that point, and Santorum won by actually going door-to-door to every house in the district). It is the lasting shame of my fine red-neck suburb that we brought this shithead to the national spotlight. In the spirit of the High Holidays, may g-d have mercy on our souls.

This brings us, naturalich, to Heriett Miers and her vast left-wing gay-rights agenda. Santorum, how can you stand idly by and let this fag hag from Dallas turn the whole country into happy hour at Lucky Cheng's! Jesus fucking Christ, we're talking about a woman who gave money to Al Gore's campaign. And, she DOESN'T HAVE A HUSBAND OR CHILDREN! What sort of unhinged, depraved nonsense is that! Rick, the armies of the right demand that you save us from eternal damnation.


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